Waiting Game

My last day of work was Monday.  This has made for a very interesting week - I really don't know what to do with myself.  We have had the baby stuff ready for quite some time so I don't have much to do in that department.  I no longer have to worry about lesson plans and grading and lesson plans and grading.  These two things (along with actually teaching of course) have consumed my life for the last 2.5 years...what on earth do I do now?

Most of Tuesday I spent unproductively moping around the house.  Sure, it's nice to sleep in and nice not to have the stress of teaching but that is what I do.  I think about students, I plan for my students, I grade and give feedback, I worry a lot about different things going on at school, etc., etc.  Now what?  It's really hard to give up such a big part of your life.  Wednesday was the first day of the new semester and I kept looking at the clock thinking:

First block just got over

Second lunch just started

My workday just finished

Is that weird?  Teaching has a lot of ups and downs.  I have thought so many times how awesome it would be to not have the stress of it all but I am very sad to be giving it up for now.  I have tied part of my self-worth into being a teacher and into working hard in order to do a good job.  Now that is just gone - weird.  The transition from work to mommyhood is really difficult, especially since I'm not a mommy yet.  I know I'll feel a lot better once Baby B comes but in the mean time I kind of just feel a little useless.  He isn't listening to me either when I tell him that he is welcome come right this very minute. 

Everyone is telling me to "enjoy it now" because I will never have any free time again for my entire life.  I am enjoying parts of it.   Ryan doesn't start school until next week so we get to hang out with each other alot and I love that.   We won't ever get this time again and we're trying to take advantage.  We both feel like we're just waiting, waiting, waiting and I guess that is exactly what we're doing.  We are anxious and excited and ready.  I'll be 39 weeks on Monday so this waiting game could last for 3 weeks longer.  Boo to that.

Yay for knowing that I'll be holding him within a month though!  Everyone says the wait is worth it and I do not doubt that one bit.  So excited.